Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Mountain And The Bend

I'm slammed today, slammed this whole weekend, this is all I got, and it's quoting myself. Damn.

From my journal, 8/4/06

(The teacher) did say something that resonated with me, which was using the metaphor that (life is like) you’re driving around a bend, and God knows where you’re going to end up. It may not be right in front of you, because God’s gotta move you around the bend so you can see what the next thing is. I feel like that’s EXACTLY my situation. I don’t know where we’re going, all I see is a mountain wall, and we’ve been endlessly trying to get around it, and no dice. If I can just trust that God WILL get me around the bend soon enough. I have to trust that, I have to trust that, and I can TYPE the phrases “I have to trust that” but can I really BELIEVE it? I’m supposed to. I guess to believe it means not to worry about it. Not to worry that I’m in this dark moment. And I kept repeating it like a mantra today itrustGod itrustGod itrustGod itrustGod itrustGod. Singing the lyric from that praise song “When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord, Blessed Be Your Name. You Give And Take Away. You Give And Take Away. My Heart Will Choose To Say. Lord Blessed Be Your Name.” As though repeating that would be the magic phrase that makes everything alright.

This is one fucking long bend, folks. (sorry.)

1 comment:

Mike Greiner said...

do you trust God? Well of course you do. this blog screams of trust in God. No one could communicate such anst about God and not give up on Him unless there is trust.

Trust is like hair. We either have it or we don't. We don't have to work too hard to get it.

To get around long bends doesn't require the mantra, "I trust God." It requires something simpler: waiting. You seem to be waiting on God. That is what trust looks like.

Be at peace, sister. I believe you do trust Him. Do you feel like you do? Well, that's another question, isn't it?

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me." --ps 131