Enforced Secret Joy #32 – It’s My Birthday!

It’s my birthday! Today, yes, today! Wish me happy birthday! It’s my birthday and I am SEVEN! (okay, maybe I’m eight, but I know I can pass.)

And I am off to the Surf And Sand Resort in Laguna Beach for the weekend. This is a huge deal for me, I NEVER go on vacation. I RARELY spend this kind of money on myself, but when you’re turning lucky number seven, then you deserve it. That’s gonna be my mantra for today. I deserve this, I deserve this, I deserve this. Because I do. I DO! I have to be this emphatic since my destructive nature loves to make me feel bad about myself for anything.

It’s gonna be a lovely weekend where I sit and ponder the meaning of my life and what the next step is, and what decisions need to be made and who knows what I’ll look like on the other side. But sunsets! I’m gonna get to see sunsets! From the water! From my own private balcony! I’m gonna walk on the sand! WHOO HOO!

I had thought that maybe I would spend all of Saturday in a lovely state of intoxication, but there were birthday parties for me on Wednesday and Thursday, so I dunno if my system can handle too much more.

But the parties were nice and fun and I got to see so many of my acquaintances who I rarely hang out with anymore. And it struck me in the middle of yesterday’s fling that Gosh, I sure like my friends. My friends are cool and nifty and fun! And I LIKE hanging out with them. Again, this is a huge deal for me to realize, since most of the time, I don’t actually like people. But I liked them on Wednesday. And I liked them on Thursday. If I hung out with them everyday, they’d probably start to bug. But it felt like all the stars aligned. Some of these people, I’ve known for YEARS. I’ve built sets with them, I’ve struck sets with them, I’ve hung out in theater lobbies with them as they waited to make their second act entrance. There’s history with them. I like having histories with people. I like knowing that it doesn’t matter if months go by and we haven’t talked, when I do see them, it’s all good. I like having those types of friends. I know this entry probably isn’t making any sense. I’m a bit hung over, har de har har, and now I’m gonna get on the ROAD! WHOO HOO!

Dear God, thank You for my friends. Thank You for the privilege of knowing them. Thank You for the history and memories I have with them. Thank You for the fun we have had in the past, and thank You in advance for the fun we will have in the future. Thank You for my life. You know what an amazing thing that is for me to say. Most of the time I moan and groan and grumble and bitch and complain. But for the past two days, I have liked my life, and that is a miracle. Please let the miracles continue through the weekend. Please let me witness spectacular miracles of your creation in sun, ocean, and sand. Please let me feel Your presence somewhere along the line. And thank You that I’ve made it this far. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.