Tuesday, February 27, 2007

More Declarative Deliberately Positive Statements

I am a damn good assistant.

I know this because everyone at work was very dismayed to see me leave on my last day, which was yesterday, Monday, and not Friday as they had told me on Thursday. And if you think that’s a lot of yanking around, you’re not the only one.

God does not want my next job to be in a Pay Per View division.

Because if He did, He wouldn’t have given me a creeping dread feeling as the Woman Who Would Have Been My Boss described the job duties in the interview today, which included “a very busy desk” scheduling four different VP’s schedules for an upcoming big deal event at Cannes in April. I just came off a three month chaotic job. I don’t wanna dive back into another one. I would like to breathe.

I deserve a chance to breathe.

This is not laziness, this is self preservation. This is also honoring a big part of myself that thinks I deserve a job that I like. For most of my day job career here in Los Angeles, I have taken every job I could without a thought of whether I’d like the job. To me, liking your job was not required. It was a frivolity, and anyone who ever said they liked their job was fronting a happy face to hide the moaning wounded monster inside

So if I’ve never liked any job I’ve had, it seems I SHOULD have taken the Pay Per View gig. (I can just hear My Mother The Phone Harpy Who I Love Very Very Much banging out that tune on her anxiety piano. No, Mom, it’s not cute. Knock it off.)

But no, here’s the crazy thing. I wanna be DIFFERENT! I wanna be HAPPY! I deserve that chance! And if we’re a month from now, and I’ve resorted to digging up roots in the backyard for food and filling up bottles from the water fountains at the gym, fine, I’ll take the next crappy job, even if it’s Corporate Law or Commissary Finance. But I deserve the chance. Because….

I do not have to live in fear that I must take the next job BECAUSE it is the next job.

Which is something my Temp Agency does not understand. In fact, they tried to guilt me into taking the Pay Per View assistant gig. “You may not want this kind of note on your Temp To Hire record.” Oh yeah? Well, you can take your Temp To Hire record and lovingly, filled with God’s Supreme Goodness, gently SHOVE IT. What the hell does that mean, my Temp To Hire record? I wouldn’t even have a Temp to Hire RECORD, would I? There’d really be only one entry on the Temp To Hire record, the one where I was HIRED, right? Jeeze Louise.

Fine, if you’re gonna hold a grudge (and we don’t know that they’re gonna do that), never place me again. I’ve got other temp agencies I can go to. I scored a perfect 100 on the Excel test. People beg to have me as their assistant. Just like the Pay Per View folks did today.

I do not have to settle, no matter what other people want me to do.

No I do not, No I do not. No, I do not. I’ve only got one entity to please in this life, and it’s not the Temp Agency, it’s Mr. Alpha and Omega. And if He wanted me in that job, then He wouldn’t have put such strong negative feelings in my stomach that I SHOULDN’T be there. I have hope. I have faith. I trust that His path is leading me somewhere else. There’s gotta be more than one door to open on the Temp Agency path than the first one. God usually doesn’t want you to go through the first door on any other paths of your life, like I Understand The Meaning Of Love , I Know Exactly What I’m Going To Do As A Life Occupation, or I’m Absolutely Correct In Every First Impression I Make. So why would the Temp Agency Job path be different?

I deserve every good thing that God sees fit to give me. Not because of anything I’ve done, (because I can’t earn His love) but because He’s that good, and that wonderful, and He loves me that much. And He is going to give me good things both tangible and intangible, even though typing that sentence makes me fear I’m sounding arrogant. I’m not. I’m declaring a deliberately positive statement.

God is leading. I’m just the one stumbling behind. He knows what’s going on, and He’ll clue me in soon. No “hopefully” about it. He will do it.

He will.

4 comments:

Allison said...

Wow, that was arrogant. KIDDING! Can't wait to see what God has in store...

Richard T said...

Damn tootn', grrl! Go GIT 'EM!!

Alexa said...

hellz yea! I like Declarative Deliberately Positive Statements - and I think God does too.

Lonnie said...

Hmmm...I think I'm gonna go watch "Say Anything". It seems to be working pretty well for you!

:)