Friday, February 02, 2007

Enforced Secret Joy Post #26 - Pansies

Must do Enforced Secret Joy Post, must do Enforced Secret Joy Post, it doesn’t have to be long, just get something up there. Get back on the schedule, get back on the routine. Because the world has gotten far too dreary if I don't actively look for things to write about Enforced Secret Joys posts.

Is this even going to be coherent? I’m pretty manic today, and I don’t know what started it. It’s been so hard wrestling with mental shit this week. You all just THINK I’m calm, cool, and collected on the outside. Inside, though, I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, tearing clothes, beating heads against the metaphorical walls Why! Why! Why is this happening! WHY!?!?!?! No, I’m not explaining more.

If I happen to run into you this weekend, I apologize in advance for any drama I am unable to successfully suppress. You can only keep the lid on for so long, folks. On to the Joy.

Pansies! I like Pansies. I do. (okay, half of you are waiting for the obvious joke “And no, I’m not talking about English daffy guys that dance around.”) I like them even though the Freedom From Religion Foundation uses them as their corporate symbol. (I am NOT linking to them, you go look them up on your own.)

I don’t know why I’m drawn to the Pansies. Because they look like they have faces? Because Alice sings “Golden Afternoon” with them in Alice In Wonderland ? (before they turn on her because they think she’s a weed.)

I toyed with the idea of creating Amy’s Pansy Pot, since we’ve got a couple of spare gardening pots around the house, but I don’t think I have the strength to spend time upkeeping a flower that’s not a perennial. I’d taking the dying thing too personally.

So I like looking at anybody else’s Pansies. And I saw some on the Unnamed Movie Studio Lot today, which is pretty amazing, considering the Unnamed Movie Studio Lot is a lot of concrete and soundstages and parking garages and precious little greenery anywhere. So yay for that.

Dear God, thank you for Pansies. Thank you for their vibrant color, thank you for their face-like petals. Thank you that I was able to see some on the Unnamed Movie Studio Lot, even though this pansy bed is woefully dry and dusty (see previous paragraph about how Unnamed Movie Studio Lot doesn’t have a lot of lush greenery going on.)

Thank you for my life, which is also woefully dry and dusty and thus must be why You put these pansies in my line of vision for me to see. Thank you for Your grace and patience in listening to me whine, moan, bitch or otherwise complain about why I can’t seem to tame the internal winds of discord within my own psyche.

Thank you for this yellow pansy.

Thank you for blessing me, even though I am a rotten ungrateful brat who truly doesn’t deserve everything You have given me.

Thank you for this white and purple pansy.

Please let me gain control. Please let me gain control. And please send someone to water those pansies. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.


Midlife Virgin said...

White and purple pansies are truly a blessing and may they bring you a touch of peace and contentment while your brain/emotions/soul is responding to the crazy full moon and all that it entails.

Lonnie said...

When you say that you like looking at other people's pansies, is that a euphemism for something?

Just wondering...


Allison said...

I second midlife virgin. And Alice in Wonderland IS a weed. :)