Monday, May 30, 2011

Rahab, The Coloring Book

Hey everybody!

It’s been awhile since we’ve discussed anything Biblical, I know, I know.


I have been working on a series of monologues based on women in the Bible. The idea is that the monologues would be contemporary updated versions of women found in the Bible. Because anyone who says women aren’t a vital part of the Bible frankly hasn’t read it. Because they’re ALL over the place. You just have to read the damn thing to find them.

And it’s been a lot of fun to make a list of Bible’s Greatest Women and to figure out what a contemporary version would be. Not gonna give everything away right now, but I will say that one of them is Rahab, the prostitute found mainly in the book of Joshua Chapter 2 and 6.

In a nutshell, she hides Joshua’s spies from the King of Jericho’s army in return for a promise that they will save her and her family when Joshua’s army invades. And they promise, so she hides them, and the army eventually invades, and her family’s saved, and there’s an interesting discussion to be had about faith versus works, which is mentioned in Hebrews (she’s justified through faith in her works) and James (she’s justified through works demonstrating faith).

Now, when I’m doing my research on these Women Of The Bible I invariably run across really well meaning church videos. Let me reiterate that most drama performed in churches today SUCK SUCK SUCK AN AMAZING MOUNTAIN OF SUCKITUDE! To a lot of churches in America, to perform a monologue of a woman in the Bible means you have a woman up in front of the congregation, sometimes in modern day dress, sometimes in “Biblical Gear” of a shapeless shift and headdress, but the monologue is almost always the same, and that’s that it’s basically a first person narrative of what you could simply read in Joshua 2 and 6. To these churches, it somehow means more to have a person “acting it out” rather than you reading it in your Bible.

This sucks from an imagination perspective. Because there is no imagination in that.

Because I’m trying to be a nicer person, I will not post an example of such sucky monologues. But do a simple google search on “Rahab” and hit the video tab, and you’ll find them. You’ll also find a Sarah Silverman monologue about Cheese REHAB, which means someone cannot spell.

BUT! I will post this video, because I believe that is somewhat in in on the joke.

One reason (among many, I know) I don’t think they’re completely in on the joke is because they also offer a study guide which includes a coloring book picture of Rahab (she’s got the Disney Princess eyes going)

Did you guys ever read Greek Myths as a kid? I did, except I got the sanitized version, D’aulaire’s Book Of Greek Myths. It’s because of that book that I grew up thinking Dionysus was really Jesus, because of this picture:

(okay, it’s copyrighted, I’m not gonna post it, but click here - then hit LOOK INSIDE, and go to page 67. )

I see a guy with a beard, what looks like thorns on his head, and grapes all around, and my second grade self thinks Dionysus = Jesus turning water into wine.

It’s not until much later that I realize Dionysus is pretty much the antithesis of Jesus with the madness, the ecstasy, the music and the orgies. OOOOOPS! SORRY JESUS!

So I really feel for the kids that watch this video and color this picture of Rahab and think she’s a cool action adventure spy smuggling chick who runs a hotel.

The truth, whoring warts and all, is so much more interesting

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