Random Thoughts That Make Me Smile

Many thanks to those that or emailed the kind words about my Worst Day Ever. ‘Cause this is how it works – I can’t see how wrong I am until you point it out to me, ho ho ho. KIDDING.

Perhaps the most Frying Pan To The Head Realization came from my buddy, (um, um, he needs a pseudonym, everyone wants one, let’s name him, uh, Norman? Have I had a Norman yet? Norman!) Norman wrote “…but Guilt is NOT from or of God. Guilt pushes you away from God. It builds a wall between you and God. Who do you think Guilt comes from then? (Insert Church Lady voice) Hmmm... I don't know... maybe... SATAN!!! “

Guilt is not from God. Hmmmm. There’s a thought I need to tattoo on my forehead. I’m gonna try and put that into practice this week. I’m not supposed to feel guilty about anything, guilt is not from God. It is Thanksgiving, and that means FORBIDDEN PASTA! (I’m not a turkey gal.)

I like to think I’m a pretty funny gal in print (I tend to talk way too fast in person for people to realize the jokes I’m trying to make) But then I click on links like this and realize there are much much funnier writers than me. And that’s absolutely okay. Because I laughed and laughed and laughed at that one.

Saturday found me updating an old script of mine, and testing out lines on Roomie Heckle, who’s the closest Typical Male in proximity to me. The set up is a girl is explaining why she didn’t want to go into a men’s room and I was trying to replace this line, “I didn’t want to start the night out smelling the inside of (his) ass.” Because I wrote that line like, two years ago, and I’m SO much more mature now, ho de ho ho.

So I’m throwing lines out there for Roomie Heckle to give thumbs up or thumbs down like, “I didn’t feel like trudging through an Ebola breeding ground.” “I didn’t want to catch sight of anything pasty white and dangly.” “Open Trenches Of Piss Death! Danger Will Robinson!”

As always, the easiest solution to these situations to examine the logic behind it. Why WOULD a girl wanna go into the boy’s bathroom? It’s not Mardi Gras. There’s not a ten mile long line to the women’s bathroom. So, move the location from a men’s room to an office. Now the line is, “No, I had no idea, I wanted to make sure you had the Birthday From Hell because I am not your best friend, I’m actually Satan, nice to meet you.”

Satan! Satan who sends big heaping piles o' GUILT on your head! (Who says I can’t work religion into my writing. HA!)

I’m very much looking forward to the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, because I will be housesitting Basil and Ginger Puppy. And we will be dancing around the house to this song. It’s an oldie, sure, and the video is barely in focus (though you can clearly see the oversized Gingerbread Man tackling the drummer, which is my favorite part), but it’s such a happy upbeat song, with ironic lyrics, my favorite. It makes me smile and is also my Enforced Secret Joy # 54 – Death Cab For Cutie’s “The Sound Of Settling.”