Thursday, January 16, 2014

Animals In The Bible #3 - All Star Edition - The 10 Plagues


Tonight’s blog entry has coloring pages!  Wheeeeee!  Coloring pages!  The fact that they’re about the Ten Plagues is…. well…. actually very disturbing.

I tried to check to make sure I wasn’t violating any copyright issues by using these images.  If you happen to be the owner of these images and don’t want them used, please contact me and I will happily take it down.  I will also ask you why you created coloring pages of the 10 Plagues, because that seems very very creepy to give to a kid to color in Sunday School.  But I would love to be educated on this issue, maybe there’s something I’m just not seeing, some educational benefit in coloring pictures of dead cattle.


We’re in OT times again!  (Someday, I will do a Bible Series about strictly NT stuff.  I promise I will.  As soon as I can figure out what an awesome series would be. Taking suggestions on that one.)

The 10 Plagues are located (in Egypt) in Exodus, Chapter 7 - 12).  Our major players include:

Moses - slave baby in the Nile rescued by Pharaoh’s daughter, killed a Egyptian beating a Hebrew, ran away, Burning Bush, received call from God to go with brother Aaron to tell Pharaoh to Let My People (The Israelites) Go.

Aaron - I’m the brother and I got a masters in Elocution.

Pharaoh - I’m a Jerk.  And King.

Pharaoh’s Magicians - We Do Cool Stuff.

God - Dude, I’m God.  If you don’t know Me by now, well, hold on to your hats.

Animals In The Plagues - C’mon, get to us already! We wanna break stuff!

So!  The basic storyline is that God has sent Moses and Aaron to Pharaoh to ask for the Israelites’ freedom.  Pharaoh says no way, they’re my chief labor supply, and my temples aren’t going to build themselves.

(This blog entry is not about the classic debate of Who Hardened Pharaoh’s Heart.  Because it can be interpreted a bunch of different ways, and there’s no clear answer, just your projections that you cast on the situations.  But I can guarantee you, no matter what side you land on, you will always hear this song in your head: )

So when Pharaoh says No, everyone else says WHOA, because through Aaron and Moses, God unleashes the Ten Plagues!  Let’s say hello to…

Plague #1 - The Plague Of Blood - where the Nile River turns into blood. (Exodus 7:14-24) The fish died, and stank up the joint and thus starts an interesting animal chain reaction:

Plague #2 - The Plague of Frogs (Ch. 8: 1 - 15) With the water red, and the fish dead, the frogs say, hey, I’m outta here.  They hop out of the river and infest the city and are apparently cheerful about it, if you're believing this coloring page:

The best part is when Moses asked for God to take the frogs away, the frogs simply died where they were, meaning Dead Frog piles everywhere.  BE SPECIFIC IN YOUR REQUESTS, PEOPLE.  Don’t just say, “Take away the frogs.”  Say, “Take the Frogs Away And Their Frog Bodies, Too!” And since there are no more frogs, in marches….

Plague #3 - The Plague of Gnats (Ch.8: 16 - 19) Can you help this poor gnat?  He can't find his brothers so they can go plague the people of Egypt:

Without any frogs to eat them up, gnats consume Egypt.  This starts the Plagues That Pharaoh’s Magicians Can’t Duplicate.  Which kinda makes you wonder how they pulled off the whole ‘It’s a FROG” thing.  Not that Pharaoh cares, he still says nope, which opens the door to…

Plague #4 - The Plague of Flies (Ch. 8: 20 - 32) Flies?  We just had gnats, now flies?  Kinda similar, don’tcha think?  Didn’t you wanna move on to something bigger?  Like maybe…

Plague #5 - Plague on Livestock (Ch. 9: 1 - 7)  (cut to Pharaoh’s livestock saying, “Thanks a lot!”)

Here's your coloring page on dead cattle!  I know you were waiting for it!

Israel’s livestock isn’t harmed, but they’re too busy toiling under the sun to snicker about it.

Plague #6 - The Plague of Boils. (Ch. 9: 8 - 12) and Plague #7 The Plague of Hail (Ch. 9 13 - 35)  don’t have any animals in them (and are kinda gross)

Plague #8 - The Plague of Locusts (Ch. 10: 1 - 20) - and if you’re like me and wondering “Gnats, flies, locusts, does it really matter?” The answer is… sorta.  Gnats and flies got into everywhere, but the locusts are the one who do the eating.  If someone had a gun to your head and said Pick A Plague, you’re best off picking gnats.  I feel like you could step on gnats easier than try to brush away flies. And locusts are just bad news all over. It should be noted, though, that when Moses prayed to God to take the locusts away, God sent “a very strong west wind which caught up the locusts and carried them into the Red Sea.  Not a locust was left anywhere in Egypt.” (Ch10:19) So somebody was learning the ways of the Almighty Clean Up Crew.

Plague #9 - The Plague of Darkness (Ch. 10: 21-29) and Plague #10 - The Plague on the Firstborn (Ch. 11: 1 - 9) get us out of the section (and again, so so sad, why is there a coloring page on this?  Better yet, why is there a Pharaoh Mouse mourning his dead mouse firstborn?!)

The Israelites finally get out of Egypt, into the dessert, where they get lost and wander around for 40 years.  Had to be better than locusts, though.  Just has to be.

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