The weird thing I’ve discovered is that when things are going reasonably okay, it’s harder to focus when I’m talking to God. When I’m Bad News Keening in the corner and two seconds away from snatching up the razors, oh yeah, THEN I’m laser focused. But in the absence of Bad News, it’s hard for me to concentrate.
My prayers are something along the lines of “thank You for my job, thank You for my car, thank You that there’s gas in the car, thank You I can afford my rent…I really like that Does It Offend You Yeah song “Dawn Of The Dead”…please bless my church financially…I wanna go see Dark Knight again, but I think I wanna see it in Imax…that means I’d have to go to Universal Citywalk…that place scares me…does that mean I’m old…I wouldn’t wanna go by myself, who can I get to go with me…I have to write today…I think my one character should be a photographer…I know he was a chef before, but a photographer makes more sense…if I can switch occupations on him that quickly, you know it’s a bad sign…please help so many of my friends (names not mentioned here because it’s a blog, but they know who they are) who are suffering from broken hearts, bad job situations, financial uncertainty, health concerns…I’m hungry…maybe I’ll try calorie counting, it’s easier to do at work when everything is prepackaged for you…
And then I get angry with myself. This is GOD you’re talking to! He’s, oh, I dunno, WORTHY OF RESPECT!? You wanna be still and know that He is God?
And again, when I try, my head spins off in a thousand different directions. Sigh. Are Focus and Concentration gifts from God, or are they skills that humans learn on their own? Well hey, that’s an interesting thought too, isn’t it. Are there any skills that humans learn on their own, or is it all God given? Well, potty training, maybe.
See, I’m doing it again. Sigh.