Bible Reading With Eeyore

A few months ago, I don't remember exactly when, but I decided I was gonna read the whole Bible. And now I'm done! Ha! Kidding. One of my buddies gave me a One Year Chronological Bible, meaning it's laid out in order that scholars think the events actually occurred. So you start off the same with Genesis, but then Job comes next and then Exodus, and so on and by the time you get to 1 and 2 Samuel, it's interspersed with Psalms, and most of 1 and 2nd Kings have 1 and 2nd Chronicles interwoven in there and la la la.

I can now say with authority that nothing makes Leviticus fun to read, unless you make a drinking game out of it. Drink every time they say "Ceremonially unclean." Drink every time they say "an ephah of fine flour." Drink every time someone sprinkles blood on the altar! Forget it! Game over, we're all wasted!

I was actually kinda excited to get to Ecclesiastes, as I thought the depressed parts of me would finally have something to relate to. But MAN , it's a bummer book. Meaningless, meaningless, says the Teacher, utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless! I get it! Go outside and fly a kite!

However, if you imagine Eeyore the donkey from Winnie The Pooh doing a podcast of Ecclesiastes, everything suddenly becomes MUCH funnier.

For those of you who don't know what Eeyore sounds like, check this out:



Spastic ears aside, that's basically his voice. So imagine that voice reading this passage, Ecclesiastes 6, verses 1 – 6

1 I have seen another evil under the sun, and it weighs heavily on men: 2 God gives a man wealth, possessions and honor, so that he lacks nothing his heart desires, but God does not enable him to enjoy them, and a stranger enjoys them instead. This is meaningless, a grievous evil.

3 A man may have a hundred children and live many years; yet no matter how long he lives, if he cannot enjoy his prosperity and does not receive proper burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he. 4 It comes without meaning, it departs in darkness, and in darkness its name is shrouded. 5 Though it never saw the sun or knew anything, it has more rest than does that man- 6 even if he lives a thousand years twice over but fails to enjoy his prosperity. Do not all go to the same place?

And then it's much more fun. I cannot wait until I get to the far reaching plains o' fun that is the sixty-six chapters of Isaiah. I will probably never make it out alive.