Monday, August 20, 2007

What You Want Vs. How To Be

“I sure empathize with you,” Corinne told me as we were climbing up the bathroom stairs at church two weeks ago. I had briefly sketched out how Never Mind Your History Of Rocking In The Temp World, This Is Now And This Now Will Smack You Around For Thinking You Could Rely On Your Past History. In other words, temp jobs coming my way? Not so much. And it’s certainly not for lack of trying. I was busting my ass and couldn’t get one placement. I could always go back to Unnamed Movie Studio and their fresh hell of Soul Deadening Jobs, but silly me, I thought I deserved better.

Corrine has taken her fair share of turns on the Prayer roller coaster, frantically sending up the please please please listen to me, God missives as your stomach lurches into your throat as one more day passes without any kind of good news. It was a housing/moving thing for her, and it’s a job thing for me, but stomach lurching is stomach lurching, and it counts.

“Let’s pray about it,” she says. “Sure,” I answer noncommittally, thinking whatchoo think I’ve been doing every day?

“No, let’s pray about it right now,” she says, grabbing my hands. “What, here?” In the lobby of a CHURCH? Are you CRAZY?

Ha ha ha.

Corrine pulls me over to a corner, and we bow heads. Corrine does all the praying, says all the things I’m afraid to say, “Bless Amy with a good job, Bless Amy with a GREAT job, one that she will love.” See, I’ve just been praying for ANY job. To ask for one that I love seemed so marshmallowy gooey decadent it couldn’t possibly be something that God would give me. You’s got to pay your bills first, don’tcha think?

I thanked Corrine for praying for me, I thanked God later for Corrine, and I went about my merry way. Interviewed with another temp agency that week, they didn’t call, they didn’t call, until finally they did. And they had a job for me. And it actually was a GOOD one. Assisting in drama development at an Unnamed TV Network. PERFECT for Amy The Writer. Temp Agency told me that the assignment could last up to a month. Well, it just can’t be that easy, can it?

I went in for my training day last Friday, and in the first ten minutes, the assistant training me said, ‘Well, you’re good for at least Monday and Tuesday.”

Wha-huh? How did we go from “could last up to a month” to two days? Did the temp agency misunderstand? Did I not wear the right shoes? C’mon, I haven’t shown you how I can rock my way around a flippin’ phone sheet! Hey, Corrine PRAYED for this, okay?

It turns out the situation is much more complicated than that, interns leaving, assistants having bouts of appendicitis. Nobody really knows what’s going on yet. But yes, I rocked my way around that flippin’ phone sheet and that calendar, and that submission log.

In a conversation I had with Tricia, who currently reigns as The Wisest Person I Know, she mentioned that perhaps I should be less focused on WHAT to do (and subsequently WHAT to pray for) than HOW to be. That it’s less about the having than it is about the responding to what you get or don’t get. So Tricia’s right? Corrine’s right? We pray for stuff? We pray to be obedient no matter what? Shall we shove them in a cage match with lime Jell-O and let them duke it out? They know each other, it might be fun.

So, gritting my teeth, I thanked God profusely for this four hour training day, and I muttered under my breath many many thanks for two days at least of solid work at a job that I would love to work longer at.

When I saw Corrine this past Sunday, she was hanging out of her car yelling at me, “How did it go!?” “I got two days! We forgot to pray for the job to be permanent!” I waved back.

I still don’t know if I have a job past Tuesday. I’m still sending up prayers for stuff, i.e. a more permanent job that I love. But I’m thanking God every step of the way. I hope God is okay with being obedient through gritted teeth. I hope that still counts.

Enforced Secret Joy #47 – Free Oregon Chai at work! Better hurry, I don’t know how much longer I get to enjoy it!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i vote for lime jell-o! you'd charge admission of course...voila! bills paid!