Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Proverbial Foot In Mouth

So I can put my proverbial foot in my mouth just as much as the next person. It happened just last Sunday at church, as a matter of fact.

My church tends to front load their songs at the beginning of the service, so they'll sing four or five there, and two or one at the end.

I personally feel like this is way too much singing.  The songs themselves repeat a bunch, and by the time I get to the last song, I am done.  Just done.  Done, done, donsie.

So I've started timing it to where I get to church right around the last song before the message. I can sing one song, no problem.  I enjoy it more when it's one song.

Last week, when I was walking across the parking lot, a friend called out to me, so I headed over to talk.  He noted that I was coming in a bit late, and I explained how I try to time it so I miss most of the songs, because "I think we sing too much."  He smiles and says, "I don't think we sing enough," and then I remember that he plays guitar and was probably playing lead guitar today, which he does confirm.  

Hello proverbial foot, say hi to my mouth again.

I smile and say I’m sure he rocked, since I've heard him play on other occasions, and more small talk and then I'm off to hear the message.

And I was slightly bashful and ashamed.  Because the guy automatically wins all the Holy Points.  Not just because he was playing lead guitar in a church, but because he thinks we should sing MORE.  Because he's THAT awesomely Christian.  If we sang for two hours, he MIGHT be satisfied.

And over in my corner, I think we sing too much, I time it to where I miss the bulk of the songs, the only thing I had going for me was that I was honest about it, and not making up some kind of horseshit about how I couldn't find parking (I couldn't, but then I did.)

So my friend wins the Holiest Game (even though he wasn't playing it) and I'm an asshole.

So I felt bad, kinda.  Sorta.  But then I thought, you know what?  I'm done.  I'm just done.  Done, done, donsie.

If I think we sing too much, I think we sing too much.  I'm gonna OWN it. I'll be happy to start timing it, to see how many verses we have, how many times we repeat the chorus.  I'll figure out exactly when my tolerance level is hitting the breaking point.

Because this is me.  I'm not trying to rabble rouse, and petition the pastor, or the elder council or whoever to change things around for me. I will work around them. This is my opinion.  I don't give a shit how unholy or how unChristian it sounds.  God knows all of this about me, and never once in my Christian life has He changed to my heart to where I felt we needed to sing more.

I don’t think we need to sing more.  I will continue to miss as many songs as I'm comfortable with.  Should I find myself in conversation with someone who says we need to sing more songs, I will smile and say, “Isn’t it cool we disagree?” I’m not going to nod in assent. I’m also not going to make anyone feel bad.  Including myself. I refuse to be embarrassed anymore. 

And I think God loves me anyway.

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