Ginger Puppy Strikes Again

Part 1 proved to be one of the most popular posts on the blog this year. So behold: Part 2 of Ginger Puppy's Metaphorical Journey with God. (This thing practically writes itself.)

The second chapter with Ginger Puppy and God happened this past weekend. Let's listen in on their conversation, shall we?

You promised.

I know, I know. But very technically, I haven't broken any promises yet.

Oh yeah? Just look at me.

I know, I know. You look...

Just say it.

You look uncomfy.

I look STUPID!

Not to me.

I look like a furry four year old auditioning for a blue daisy in Alice In Wonderland!

I could see that. But you're not.

You said you'd take care of me!

I am. I promise you, I am.

If you were gonna take care of me, why is this happening all over again!?!?

I said I'd take care of you. I didn't say I'd stop bad things from ever happening to you ever again.

Explain yourself!

Amy's my translator, and she's not a vet.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Your leg isn't healing quite the way they hoped. So they went in there to look around and see what they could see, and to remove the bracing that was there from the last surgery. And we're still waiting for the results.

I LOOK STUPID!

Not to me, you don't. I love you, Ginger Puppy.

YEAH!? SO WHAT! YOU LOVE EVERYONE! YOU DON'T DISCRIMINATE!

Some people appreciate that about me.

BUT NOT EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE A STUPID CANINE VERSION OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!

Alright, alright, get it out. Let it all out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(inhale)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I am helping you, Ginger Puppy.

LOOK AT MY FRONT LEGS! THEY'RE EMBARRASSING! WHAT AM I, A POODLE!?

I know, I know.

MAKE THE FUR GROW BACK FASTER!

I can't make it grow back any faster than the normal fur growing rate for dogs.

I'M UNEVEN! ASCETICALLY UNBALANCED!

I'm here. I promise you I'm right here.

THIS SUCKS!

I know it does. I know. Let's go watch a movie in the media room. I'll sit on the floor, and you can lean next to me, and I'll pet your leg and everything'll be fine.

I WANNA WATCH MAD MEN!

Whatever you want, Ginger Puppy.

I WANNA WATCH IT IN BLU-RAY!

You'll fall asleep in ten minutes, and everything will be fine.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN!

I know, I know. But I'm here, I promise you. I will be here for you. I'll feed you, I'll hide the pain pills in cheddar cheese slices so you don't have to taste them. I'll pick you up so you don't have to walk up the stairs. I'll make you a nice towel pad bed next to my bed so you don't have to lay on the hard floor and you'll be as close to me as possible. I'll even take the collar off sometimes, because I know you don't like it.

THESE STITCHES ITCH LIKE A MOTHERTRUCKER!

And then I'll put the collar back on.

Whatever happens next, little one. How ever long it takes to heal, whatever the results come back as. I will not leave you. I promise you that. You're not going through this alone.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I know, little one. I know.

I know.