Sunday, August 29, 2010

Someone's Gonna Be Offended Anyway

I hope I don’t offend anyone with this one, and it’s not that I’m talking about it because I know someone who’s died lately, but this phrase has always bothered me.

“He/She went to be with the Lord.”

It sounds so passive to me. Almost absent minded or belatedly. Like there’s no thought, no effort behind it.

I went to be with the Lord.

I went to heaven.

I went to be with my mom.

I went to Barstow, California.

I went to the grocery store.

I have no plans to die anytime soon, but if/when I do go, please don’t chronicle it that way. I’m gonna throw myself wholeheartedly into the act of passing, I am.

Amy skipped joyfully to meet her Father in heaven, where they’re currently knocking back tequila shots and laughing as the best parts of her life play up on a movie screen in heaven.

Hmmm, still sounds passive.

Amy launched herself at God, and He caught her.

God grabbed Amy’s outstretched hand and yanked her upstairs.

Amy shotputted full tilt into God’s arms and now they’re dancing to Kid Cudi’s “Up Up & Away” Yes, it’s a song about marijuana. It doesn’t matter, because it’s damn catchy. So Amy and God are dancing to it. Flowery meadows and angels with harps might be there too. MIGHT.

I like that one, heh.

This lyrically is sooooooooooooo NSFW (that’s Not Safe For Work, Mom. Meaning it has a few words you’re not gonna like AT ALL.)

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