Sunday, July 11, 2010

Binklebo Has No Toes

I can’t draw. This is why I write. Heh.

I can’t draw, I never could, and it bums me out, because that means I have to depend on someone else to draw storyboards for me. If I could draw my own storyboards, I probably would’ve directed a short like, five years ago. And if I could get people to listen to me. That would help. ☺

My buddy Norman offered a metaphor a few weeks ago. We were discussing that old sawhorse Macro God vs. Micro God, otherwise known as Does God Care About What Kind Of Job I Have?

And Norman said something along the lines of how God gives you a blank piece of butcher block paper and crayons and says, “Whatever you wanna draw.” And then you draw.

Except I can’t draw. This is the only thing I can draw. His name is Binklebo. I drew him in the sixth grade when the assignment was to create our own character and write a story about him. I think Binklebo’s story was “Binklebo and His Toes” or something like that. (ironic because from the picture, he doesn’t have toes.) I only know how to draw him this way, if you want him walking, jumping, climbing, or even looking to the left, you’re out of luck, I don’t know how to do that.

So if I’m supposed to draw, and I can’t draw, how do I know what I’m drawing is what I’m supposed to be drawing? Better yet, how do I know I’m drawing it right? And how do I know that my version of “right” matches up with God’s version of “right”?

If you wanna get all high and mighty and say, “Oh Amy The Writer, if you can’t draw, then God wants you to write all over that butcher block paper” then my response is how do I know that what I’m writing is what God wants me to write? How do I know that I’m writing it to God’s definition of Right?

I mentioned I’m working on a new project, Red Llama. It’s an idea about religion and sex that shines a light on questions that some Christians don’t wanna ask themselves. So the secular world says, Yes! Yes! Write that idea and expose those damn hypocritical Christians! The Christian world would probably say You’re not a Christian! You’re selling out your Christian community because it’s the only way you can get attention with your writing!

Except what’s fueling me to write this is not the desire to expose hypocritical Christians. This is an idea I can absolutely write, that I can uniquely write, one might say my entire sexual career has led to this point: to write this idea (at least then it all would’ve meant something besides new ways to break my heart and stomp my self esteem.)

The problem is that some hypocritical Christians may get exposed anyway. I usually go for a scorched earth policy with my writing. Pink Piggy examined stupid people of both genders. With Red Llama, I’m examining hypocrites of every stripe, both secular and Christian. But I think the Christians are gonna cry foul the loudest.

Which makes me wonder if this is the idea that God wants me to write, or if it’s my own ego urging me on.

If you’re drawing the wrong thing or if you’re writing the wrong thing, how will you know? Because people won’t like it. Because people will like it, but not for the right reasons. Because it won’t sell. Because it will sell, but it won’t make you happy. Because it won’t FEEL right. Because it’ll feel right for the WRONG reasons.

Oh, now that sounds like sex. Heh.

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