Got a deadline tomorrow...

Which means I'll be burning the proverbial 2:00 AM oil...

and you all will have a post next week!  Promise! :)

Check Out The Updated Hall Of Fame Section!

It's right over here, on the right hand side:

(okay, go to the right, THEN scroll down, under the ABOUT ME section.)

I've put the best entries of 2012 in there! Only four months into 2013! This is early for me! Ya-wooooo!

In going back through last year to figure out what qualified as Hall Of Fame Posts, I realized that, whoa. A shitload of stuff happened last year. Good and bad. So much stuff happened, in fact, that I'm surprised I'm still standing. Which is why I had to sit down. And cry a bit.

 But I'm okay now. So feel free to peruse at your leisure! Yay!

Hoping and Knowing (And a Beagle!)

2013 has been pretty quiet on the writing side.  When you play the At This Time Last Year I Was (Fill In The Blank) Game, it’s pretty bad.  Basically, you don’t wanna play that game unless you’re on an UPSWING.  If you’re not on a career upswing, it’s a bummer.

I’m not on a career upswing currently.  Considering that for the past two years, people have been paying me to write things, sometimes for not much, sometimes for more than I thought, and here we are in 2013, and nobody is paying me anything to write anything.

This is nothing new.  Every writer’s life has upswings and downswings, of course.  Months of activity followed by long stretches of inactivity.  I have plenty of friends I can look to for examples. 

And I remind myself that when all of this started with the Magic Phone Call in 2011, that it was a call I couldn’t possibly have foreseen, I didn’t know to work for it, to even pray for it.  God was working behind the scenes in ways I didn’t know to work for, or even how to pray for.

So I tell myself that the same thing could be happening here:  that God is once again the Grand Tinkerer, fiddling with cosmic knobs, dials, building doors to roads He wants me to go down, and if I just hold on, if I just sit and wait on His timing, that more will be revealed.

Sure, I have plenty of times where I start thinking flutter anxiety bird thoughts of it’s a lie!  A lie!  2011 – 2012 was a complete aberration!  We now return you to your regularly scheduled life of Always Trying and Rarely Succeeding When It Comes To Writing!  Happy Trails!

And then I have to remind myself - Patience, patience patience.  I can say that I know God is moving behind the scenes, cooking up something, and being all Grand Tinkerer-like, but the truth of the matter is that I’m HOPING He does. 

It’s a very very thin line between KNOWING and HOPING, and I tend to fall on the side of HOPING more often than I should, these days.

Because the common fear is what if what I KNOW turns out to be not true?  That what I was telling myself was me KNOWING, was me just HOPING?

Then you go back and tailor your Hopes.

So instead of I Hope God Is Preparing The Next Writing Opportunity For Me, it’s…

I Know God Will Never Leave Me.

Instead of I Hope God Will Lead Me To A Future Where I’m A Professional Writer And I Move Into A Place That Has A Bathtub, it’s…

I Know God Has A Plan For Me.

Maybe that plan involves writing.  Maybe that plan even involves getting paid for my writing again.

Regardless, I have to take comfort in what I Know.

And continue to wait.

And here is a picture of Bella Beagle.  Just because.

When The Lights Go Out

So last night we had severe winds in Los Angeles, and I arrived home to discover the power was out.  This wouldn’t be a bad thing in and of itself, except for the fact that I’m dogsitting over at the Beagle House for Bella, Bonnie, and new beagle Beulla.  Since they’re dogs, they don’t really care if it’s daytime or nighttime, as they spend 80 percent of their time sleeping, so it might as well be night to them anyway.

But I quickly have to feed them and give them their meds using the last bit of daylight outside.  And while I just pulled that out by the skin of my teeth, the next order of business was trying to find a flashlight.

You’d think this would be easy because, you know, it’s a FLASHLIGHT.  I know exactly where the flashlight is at the Shabby Shack (but then again, the Shabby Shack is the size of a closet, how could I NOT know where everything is.)  I even know where the flashlight is at Scamper Butthead’s house, that’s how long I’ve been dogsitting at that location.

But I haven’t spent enough time at the Beagle House in enough strange circumstances to know where the flashlights are here.

So I checked the usual places -  junk drawers, the hall closet, nightstands near beds, all coming up bupkiss.  I do find one of those long gas flamey lighter things, the kind you use to light candles with, and go hunting around the house like I’m spelunking or something.  The hilarious part was that any turn or movement would snuff the flame off, and I now know how to make a horror movie.  YA-WOOOOOO

I’m sure this could be used as a metaphor for life – running around a strange house, desperate to find illumination before the daytime light runs out.  Sending up somewhat frantic prayers to God, Please please please help me find a workable flashlight, only to find those silly fake candles with the battery operated light to make it look like they flicker, and thinking THIS is how you answer my prayer?  This is not enough light!  HELP ME FIND A LIGHT!

And your answer is, eventually, a couple of cinnamon candles, some tea lights, plus two wall plug emergency lights, plus an LED light I keep in the glove compartment of my car, and finally, the lone flashlight that was under the sink. 

As predicted, the beagles did not care one whit about the encroaching darkness, so obviously they’re evil (kidding!), and luckily their owners get the hard copy newspaper, so I spent two hours reading the Sunday Times by this pasted together light before the power came back on (and the beagles didn’t wake up for that either, ho ho ho.)

So I guess perhaps the lesson could be – Your Resourcefulness + God’s Sense Of Humor = A Somewhat Workable Answer.

It’s enough for now.  :)

Easter Sunday and Angels

So yes, they mentioned Easter on Easter Sunday at church.  Thank GOODNESS.  Sure, the sermon was still wonkily on the Beatitudes but at least there was the Call And Response that every Good Little Christian knows “He is Risen!”  “HE IS RISEN, INDEED!”  And they had decorated with white streamers and stuff, so that was good, so yes, Easter was officially acknowledged, which is good (they also had a Good Friday service, but I still prefer Palm Sunday).

The day before, I was doing some writing and this song pops up on my iTunes (sorry about the ad before, this was the best quality of the video that I could find.) 

U2 ~ "If God Will Send His Angels" '97 by seasonwitch

I’m most familiar with the version that went on the City Of Angels soundtrack, as opposed to the original version on the Pop album.  But since the video they made went with the City Of Angels version, that’s the one I’m gonna work with here.

Nobody else here baby no one else here to blame

No one to point the finger...

It's just you and me and the rain

I’ve always liked the song because of the blatant yearning underlining the lyrics.  We all want God to send His Angels, a sign, a promise, rescue, deliverance, all that stuff.

If God will send his angels

And if God will send a sign

Well if God will send his angels...

Would everything be alright?

And it seemed eerily apropos for Good Friday through Easter Sunday, like most of the song (perhaps not all the lyrics fit, but a large percentage of them do) could have come from Jesus himself, longing for his Father.

If God will send his angels

And if God will send a sign

Well if God will send his angels...

Where do we go?

Where do we go?

I’m not intending to make a flippant comparison.  I know all the traditional things and metaphors and background behind Jesus and Good Friday.  But his transparent longing for his Father to rescue him, and the naked longing behind the song, both are born from the same place, I think.

If God will send his angels

Sure could use them here right now

Well if God would send his angels

One of those things about growing older is that you get more accustomed to the struggle, and less likely to continue calling for a sign that God’s there.  At  least, in my experience, it’s more of a It Doesn’t Matter How Many Times You Ask, God Will Show Up When He Wants To.  And you kind of settle into this okay temperature of living.  What used to be a bubbling cauldron of discontent is more of a subtle beating of I know You’re there, I know You can hear me, You know I need help, please help me (but I won’t be surprised if Your idea of help and my idea of help are completely different.)

Perhaps that’s what growing up is like.

And I don't have to know how /so where do we go

And I don’t need to why

And I don't want a promise

And I don't want a lie/ where do we go

Just know I need you/where do we go

tonight..

It Was Palm Sunday

So I went to church this past Sunday, narrowly avoiding a SWAT copter trying to corral an alleged out of control bathrobe-wearing woman with a knife (I think they lost her when she went back inside a house), a protest at the Post Office because people still want their mail delivered on Saturdays, and mobs and mobs of people checking out the second service, all of which is enough to make me want to go back to the first service, especially next week, since it's Easter Sunday.

Yeah, that's right!  Next week IS Easter Sunday!  So this week is Palm Sunday!  Right!?  Right!?  Because that's what usually happens?  Palm Sunday is a week before Easter Sunday?  And normally, you'll see the cute parade of kids waving palm fronds (which, this being Los Angeles, can't be that hard to round up.  The palm fronds, I mean.  Or little kids, they have those here in L.A. too) and there'll be some variation of Jesus Christ Superstar's "HO SANNA HEY SANNA SANNA SANNA HO, SANNA HEY SANNA HO SANNAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

There should be some mention in the sermon about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on a donkey, fulfilling the prophecy of Zechariah that the Messiah would ride into Jerusalem, “on a colt, the foal of a donkey.” (Zechariah 9:9) and all sorts of stuff.

Know what my church did instead?  Debuted their new church app for your smartphone.

Seriously.

No little kids.  No palm fronds.  No Jesus Christ Superstar songs.  Oh, they talked about Easter Lilies, would you like to donate one for next week?  They talked about Easter services next week, and how you should invite your friends.  And the sermon was continuing our study of The Beatitudes, the verses on Judge not, Lest Ye Be Judged.

Oooooooh, I get it.  I'm not even supposed to call my church weird for debuting their church app on Palm Sunday instead of talking about Palm Sunday.  Because that'd be JUDGING them.

I went back in my notes (Yes, I'm a sermon note-taking weirdo).  Last year, it was a guest speaker, but the sermon was still about Palm Sunday.  In 2011, it was one of our rotating pastor's last sermon, as he was leaving for another job, but he still talked about the resurrection of Jesus.  2010, Palm Sunday, check.  2009 Palm Sunday, check. 2008, Guest Speaker, Palm Sunday, check.

So, for the past five years, they've honored Palm Sunday. And this week, they didn't mention it.  They don't have a problem honoring Easter every year.  Or Christmas every year.  They're even doing a Good Friday service this year.

And Palm Sunday got the boot.  

I wonder why.  And I wonder why it bugs me so much.

I think it has something to do with Palm Sunday as the beginning of the end.  The irony and hypocrisy in the celebration, that these same cheering people will turn on Jesus in just a few days.  We are all hypocrites at some point or another, denying Jesus in our own ways, in our own times.  Even though we beg for forgiveness, even though we repent.  None of us are worthy, but Jesus still takes us back, still dies for us all, still forgive us.

And I wished that we had heard some sort of meditation on that this past Sunday. 

Maybe I'll go looking around online.

Always Try

One of the places we stopped at during the birthday weekend was a little seaside pier.  Your standard pier, with roller coasters, laser tag, and carousels and bumper cars.  and a ropes course, where you've got a harness on, and a rope connecting your harness to a track above you.  And then you maneuvered yourself around different obstacles, ropes, steps, etc, all while connected to the track above you.  

Here’s some pictures from the internet to give you an idea of what it looked like (minus the cruise ship in the background)

It looked like a lot of fun, and for two seconds, I was tempted to try it.

But then I saw a little girl up there.  Maybe 5 or 6.  A quick glance of the situation showed that her brother was already zooming around the course, having a blast.  Her mom was on the ground, encouraging her to try. I thought I was gonna see some amazing confidence, a true feat of a Child Gaining Courage And Overcoming Her Fears.  It was going to be awesome.

But not to be.

The little girl, while not outright bawling and throwing a fit (probably because she was a good twelve feet off the ground), definitely had Trembly Lip and Teary Eyes going.  She knew the situation.  She knew (or at least I thought she knew) that there was no real threat of her falling.  She was safely inside her harness, the harness was safely attached to the rope and track above.  There could be no safer way for her to try and explore and do something really cool and fun.

But she couldn't bring herself to try.  

She eased one foot out, then another.  Then stopped.  Her dad suited up and joined her up there, again encouraging her to try.  Just try.

The little girl did not want to try.  Trembly Lip and Teary Eyes prevailed.  She shook her head and eventually made her way back down to safe ground.

I guess you could said she DID try.  Tried for two steps, enough to know she didn’t want to do it and back down she goes.  But it would’ve have been so much fun to, what, what, try harder?  To overcome a fear?  To realize you’re stronger than you think?

That girl is going to be sticking with me for a while, I think.  What is it I’m afraid of?  What is it you’re afraid of? 

Are we going to go all Trembly Lip and Teary Eyes and not try to literally stick out foot out, one by one, to explore new ropes, new obstacles, new territories, just because it feels unsafe?  Don’t we know we’ve got God on our side, that we can’t fall, that he is our rope/carabiner combo tethering us?

Always try.  Always try harder (not talking about salvation here). Always come right up close to your fear and stick it out for two seconds longer than you think you can.  Amazing things might happen if you do.

It's my birthday week...

So I'm giving myself a blogging week off.

But by all means, please enjoy this awesome picture of Bella Beagle, the only dog I know who smiles:

She smiles even when you're not messing around with her face, see?

See ya next week!

The Pursuit To Understand

This weekend found me in San Francisco with Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather, who I hadn’t seen in a long long time. We did the Walk Around San Francisco thing, we did the Expensive Boho Tea House thing, The Best Pizza In Berkeley Thing, we stumbled into a Happy Hour in Chinatown that rocked, and we even went to Pier 39, where we spent exactly three minutes looking at the sea lions before we had to take off.

We also went to a church Merriweather had heard about before. (It’s not this church, I just recognize the need for graphics in these long text posts). Since the service was at noon, it was easily catchable. And it was one of those pleasant non-denominational yet uber high tech churches, the kind that have the roving cameras, and they cross-cut during the songs so the whole thing looks like a Christian music video.

And I was excited about going, because I was eager to hear a new church. My church is fine, and pleasant, and yet I feel myself stagnating in my spiritual growth.

So here I am, hopped up on a large chai latte and ready to hear the WORD, ready to LEARN, ready to be CHALLENGED, ready to be INSPIRED.

The sermon is appropriately Easter themed – Jesus at the crossroads in Gethseme. And the slickly produced video that went before the sermon was intriguing enough, saying that sometimes the question isn’t which road do I go down, but how painful will it be. Okay, great, cool, totally been there, hit me with an amazing sermon that I can latch onto.

And yet… I got lost. No, no, not lost, I knew I exactly what it was. The sermon just… didn’t engage me. And then I felt so badly that I didn’t connect with the sermon more and WHY wasn’t I connecting with the sermon more? Why did I keep falling asleep? I thought the chai latte would keep me up! I don’t have to worry about the pastor seeing me fall asleep in front of him, we were in the overflow room watching the video screen of him.

I felt even worse when after the sermon, Merriweather says how much she really got into the sermon, it really made her think, she wishes she could get her boyfriend to listen to more sermons like these. I was about to say, “I was kinda bored,” but I couldn’t after Merriweather’s rave.

Typically in situations like these, my automatic response is not speak up! But what’s wrong with you? Everyone else liked it, why didn’t you?

So I thought maybe I should give it another try. Blame it on the chai latte, it socked me out instead of perking me up.

So yesterday, I wandered onto the church’s website, where don’tcha know, they upload all the pastor’s sermons with sound AND video. No mp3s for this tech crowd, you get picture too! (makes sense, this is San Francisco, a tech mecca).

And I listen to the sermon again, about the choice Jesus faced in the garden of Gethsemane. How not his will, but God’s must be done.

I remembered more than I thought I would. But the sermon still didn’t do anything for me. Maybe I’m just spoiled from my current home church, who have bullet points galore for each sermon, and commit themselves to whole books of the Bible to study (we’re doing the Beatitudes currently). This slick-techy church had three bullet points at the end, and didn’t really go into detail about them.

The whole experience makes me wonder what I need or expect from a sermon from a church. It sounds wrong to say, I wanna be entertained! Because while humor is helpful, it can also be superficial, and one would think studying the word of God would warrant a deeper effort.

But what do I expect when I listen to a sermon?

1. I want to engage. That means that whatever the sermon topic is about has some direct reference or bearing on my life and that’s what’s going to make me sit up and pay attention. 

2. I want to learn. Either something I had never considered, or a new look at something I did know before.

3. I will pursue/I won’t give up – If I didn’t get it the first time, I’ll try again. I’ll find the sermon again, I’ll listen to it again. If I still don’t get it, I’ll looks into things myself. The reason why I sometimes do 6 week series of stuff in the Bible is what happens when I don’t get stuff from my church.

It’s not enough to say “I didn’t get it” and walk away. TRY to get it. This isn’t about trying to be good (which is practically impossible anyway)., and it’s not about complete knowledge of God, because that’s equally impossible.

This is about not giving up on the pursuit of understanding. Because it’s that pursuit of God that draws you in relationship to Him. I’m not saying I have all the answers, because hell, no, I don’t. I just know that nobody ever got anywhere by giving up. Even in a techy-slick church.

Tiny Books of the Bible #6 - Jude

We're not talking about the famous ones (Esther, Jonah, James) We’re talking about the TINY ones.  The ones rarely quoted in sermons.  And when they are, it takes you twice as long to find them, because they're only 1 to 15 pages long.  Squashed between longer books, what's in these itty bitty books, and what's so important about them that they're in the Bible?

Remember how we said last week that 1 John, 2 John, and 3 John are near Jude and Revelation at the end of the New Testament and the Bible proper?

Did you maybe say to yourself, “Jude?  Who’s Jude?”  Jude is our last entry in the Tiny Books Of The Bible series!  I hope you guys have gotten a few chuckles out of it.  I like doing these series, it’s a way to really get into the nuts and bolts of the Bible that perhaps a regular sermon at your church might not provide.

IT’S SO SMALL!  I CAN’T FIND IT!  WHERE IS IT?

Jude is right before Revelation, the last book in the Bible.

HOW SMALL IS IT?

Jude is two pages, one chapter long.

WHO WROTE IT?

Jude did.  He’s the half-brother of Jesus (sharing Mary as a mom), and full brother of James, who also wrote James, another book in the New Testament, but James is too big for our Tiny Bible series.

WHAT’S THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT?

This book was written around 65 AD or thereabouts, maybe earlier.  The early Christian church was dealing with a bunch of weird beliefs and teachers worming their way into leadership positions.  Jude was writing the book as a kind of warning, whistle-blowing about those wormy teachers.

WHAT’S THE BOOK ABOUT?

Jude’s warning the church (not a specific church, this letter would be carried to several early churches and read aloud to their congregations) about “godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord.” (Jude 1:4b)  Basically, these false teachers were claiming if you believed that you were saved by grace, you could live however you wanted.  You could eat a bunch of Funyuns, or rob banks, or sleep around with whomever you want.  Sin meant nothing to those forgiven by God.

Jude reminds the church about the time of Moses, how OT God destroyed those people who didn’t believe, and saved those that did.  But belief itself wasn’t enough, as Jude also brings up Sodom and Gomorrah, two cities whose actions condemned them.

Jude also mentions fallen angels (1:6), archangel Michael (1:8) and everyone’s favorite Owner Of A Talking Donkey Balaam (1:11) in warning against these teachers.

Jude winds up the letter by quoting other apostles of Jesus, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” (1:17-18), and that the church should protect themselves so “build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit.”  Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.” (1:20-22)

Then Jude finishes with the Doxology.  If you’re a regular churchgoer, this may sound familiar, “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore!  Amen.” (1:24).  Ends every single service at my church, anyway.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?    WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS IN HERE?

Can I just say something that may get me into trouble later?  By all means, go ahead.  I don’t understand people, scholars, I guess, who make it a large part of their life to research and write papers and do all sorts of academic things, all to cast doubt on things in the Bible.  Some people don’t believe Jude wrote Jude.  Some people don’t believe Jude was related to Jesus.  Some people don’t believe Jude should be in the Bible.   And that’s just THIS book.  You can go down many dry and dusty rabbit holes of academia and you will never get the evidence or answer that would change the world’s opinion.  Just justifying your own education and intellect, I guess.  It seems to be such a rarefied career, and for what?  Really, for what?  Dunno.

But Jude is in here because he’s the half brother of Jesus, and what he’s warning about in his letter matched up with what the early Christian churches were facing, so in the Bible it goes.  The End.  Of this series, anyway.  :)

Tiny Books of the Bible #5 - 2 John and 3 John

We're not talking about the famous ones (Esther, Jonah, James). We’re talking about the TINY ones.  The ones rarely quoted in sermons.  And when they are, it takes you twice as long to find them, because they're only 1 to 15 pages long.  Squashed between longer books, what's in these itty bitty books, and what's so important about them that they're in the Bible?

Here’s 2 and 3 John.  Did YOU know there was a 3 John?  I didn’t!  It’s like the only series of books in the Bible that’s a trilogy!  Woooo! 

IT’S SO SMALL!  I CAN’T FIND IT!  WHERE IS IT?

2 John and 3 John are right before Jude and Revelation, the last book in the Bible.

HOW SMALL IS IT?

1 John is disqualified from being a Tiny Book Of The Bible because it’s 4 chapters and 5 pages long.  In comparison, both 2 John and 3 John are 1 page each.  They're so tiny I squashed them into one blog entry, ha ha ha.

WHO WROTE IT?

John the Apostle.

WHAT’S THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT?

John wrote all three books late in his life.  At this point, he’s the only surviving Apostle, other than Paul.  The rest of the 12 have all been martyred in various violent ways.  All three books were addressed to a group of churches and certain people around Ephesus, in what’s now western Turkey.

WHAT’S THE BOOK ABOUT?

John’s primary topic in the first two books (or letters) is about the infiltration of false teachers in the early Christian church called Gnostics.  Gnostics taught that one should shun the material world and material needs of others, only the spirit was good.  They also thought that Jesus was never fully a man, only a spirit, or a ghost who had the appearance of a man.  Because they thought Jesus was a spirit, they denied the death and resurrection of Jesus.  In 1^st John, he explains fully why that’s wrong.  In 2^nd John, he follows up on what a false teacher is and in 3 John, he’s writing to a friend about a different kind of false teacher, a gossiper and inhospitable man.

2 John is addressed to a lady, but that’s most likely a metaphor for the church.  The Church Lady!

John asks The Church Lady that “we love another.  And this is love:  that we walk in obedience to his commands.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” (2 John 1:5-6).  And then expounds on the warnings in 1 John that anyone who doesn’t acknowledge Jesus Christ “as coming in the flesh” (2 John 1:7)) is a deceiver and the antichrist.  So if anyone shows up and says something like that, “do not take him into your house or welcome him.” (2 John 1:10) So do good, and he’ll hopefully see him soon.

3 John is addressed to Gaius, who is not the Battlestar Galatica character or Gaius Julius Caesar but instead is a good friend of John’s. 

John thanks Gaius for showing hospitality to “the brothers” (3 John 1:5).  The brothers were most likely teaching elders who traveled between churches. 

John then goes on to call out Diotrephes, a leader of the church who’s been “gossiping maliciously about us” (3 John 1:10) and hasn’t been showing hospitality to the brothers, and has actually been excommunicating members of the church who do.  So John tells Gaius to do good, not evil, and he’ll hopefully see him soon.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?    WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS IN HERE?

All three letters were written around the same time, so it seems silly not to include all three.

Yet 3 John is really more of a personal letter to Gaius, not something to be read aloud to a new congregation.  It almost feels like you’re spying on personal stuff, especially when John talks about Dioptrephes being inhospitable to him and other Christians, and how John will call him out publicly if John manages to get to Gaius and his church.

No mention is made whether John did so, though it would be quite fun to imagine John the Apostle calling out someone.  Yo!  You been talking smack about me?  I hung with JESUS, you moron!  You really think you can lie and get away with it!  I GOT GOD ON MY SIDE!

Ha ha ha.

Tiny Books of the Bible #4 - Philemon

We're not talking about the famous ones (Esther, Jonah, James) We’re talking about the TINY ones.  The ones rarely quoted in sermons.  And when they are, it takes you twice as long to find them, because they're only 1 to 15 pages long.  Squashed between longer books, what's in these itty bitty books, and what's so important about them that they're in the Bible?

Now we’re hitting the New Testament, and the books here are just as tiny!  Ya-woooooooo!  First up at bat is Philemon.

IT’S SO SMALL!  I CAN’T FIND IT!  WHERE IS IT?

Philemon is in between Titus and Hewbrews.  Titus was thisclose to also making this series, but if you can believe it, Titus clocks in at three chapters, which is simply too big compared to the rest of the books featured here.  I KNOW.  :)

HOW SMALL IS IT?

Philemon is all of one chapter long, spanning two pages.  It would probably take you longer to read your Facebook feed.

WHO WROTE IT?

Even though the book is called Philemon, it’s actually TO him.  Paul, the apostle, is the one who wrote it, and he wrote it from a Roman prison somewhere between 60 and 62 A.D., (side observation, there’s never a book just named Paul.  But he wrote almost half the books in the New Testament.  Funny, huh?) 

AND!  When I say “Paul wrote” I mean it in the broadest sense, because Paul usually dictated his letters while someone else did the physical task of writing.  So all the would-be nitpickers can be appeased.  ;)

WHAT’S THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT?

Paul had been kicked around to different places and different jails because he was a Roman citizen accused by Jewish citizens, and no Roman official of the law wanted to cross those kind of political party lines.  Now he’s here in Rome, and it’s kind of awesome.  He’s under house arrest (instead of a jail cell), where he could receive visitors, and preach, and write a bunch of letters.

WHAT’S THE BOOK ABOUT?

Philemon is a wealthy Christian who owned a slave named Onesimus.  Onesimus runs away from Philemon’s household (never clear why), and somewhere else along the line, crosses paths with Paul.  They strike up a friendship, Paul leads Onesimus to Christ, and once Onesimus becomes a Christian, Paul lets him go, nope, sets a slave free, nope, sends him back to his owner, Philemon, along with this letter, asking Philemon to forgive Onesimus for running away and to welcome him back into Philemon’s house as a brother in Christ.

What’s up with that?  Why would Paul tacitly condone slavery? 

Well, number one and most important – Onesimus was not Paul’s slave to free.  Onesimus belonged to Philemon and Philemon only.  Any act of freeing Onesimus would have to come from Philemon.

Number two – Paul is asking Philemon to do something much harder than setting Onesimus free - to forgive Onesimus and to treat him “no longer as a slave, but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.” (Philemon 1:16).  Paul’s telling Philemon how awesome Onesimus was to Paul, and wants Philemon to treat Onesimus just as awesomely.

Paul reminds Philemon that Philemon kinda owes Paul, since Paul was the one who introduced Philemon to Christianity.  And Paul tells Philemon that if there’s any outstanding debts that Onesimus owes, Paul will pay it back.

Ultimately, Paul is not condemning or condoning slavery – he’s much more interested in focusing on the people, as opposed to the institution.  Because you effect the greatest change by changing people, who then go on to change institutions.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?    WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS IN HERE?

It’s in the Bible because Paul wrote it.  And it’s a nifty bite-sized lesson in forgiveness.  And even though a very superficial reading of the text would return a lot of hyper conclusions:  PAUL LOVES SLAVERY!  It’s when you spend a little more time reading the depths that you realize what Paul’s doing.  If Onesimus was to be taken seriously as a follower of Christ, he COULDN’T continue on without addressing and hopefully resolving the small baggage of oh yeah, and I’m a runaway slave, lest Onesimus be seen as a hypocrite.  So Paul is constructing an environment of hopeful reconciliation.  And once again illustrating that there’s always going to be a time when we all have to face whatever our particular music is.

It’s never mentioned what happened to Onesimus after Paul sent him and the letter to Philemon.  So you can look at it as a glass half full, glass half empty kind of thing.  Either Philemon disobeyed Paul's letter and went back to mistreating Onesimus, or he did what Paul asked, and welcomed Onesimus back as a brother in Christ.  I am feeling optimistic today, so I'm landing on the side of Yay, Philemon!

Says me.

Tiny Books of the Bible #3 - Malachi

We're not talking about the famous ones (Esther, Jonah, James) We’re talking about the TINY ones.  The ones rarely quoted in sermons.  And when they are, it takes you twice as long to find them, because they're only 1 to 15 pages long.  Squashed between longer books, what's in these itty bitty books, and what's so important about them that they're in the Bible?

Here’s Malachi, which is probably the most famous of the Tiny Books Of The Bible.

IT’S SO SMALL!  I CAN’T FIND IT!  WHERE IS IT?

Malachi is the last book of the Old Testament, so the easiest thing to do is find Matthew in the New Testament and flip backwards.  :)

HOW SMALL IS IT?

Larger than the others, four chapters and four pages long.

WHO WROTE IT?

That’d be Malachi the prophet.  As usual (because scholars love their debates) there’s different theories on whether Malachi was actually his name or not.  So I’ll note that there’s different theories, and move on, because I’m not a Debatehead.

WHAT’S THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT?

So after Obadiah chastises the Edomites for helping to sack Jerusalem, and after the exiles come back and after Haggai exhorts them to rebuild the temple, the temple is rebuilt, and the Israelites are lapsing into complacency and apathy.

WHAT’S THE BOOK ABOUT?

It’s a prophecy God spoke through Malachi.  And initially, God’s pretty upset with the Israelites (what else is new in the OT, right?  Israel usually pisses God off, God yells at them but ultimately forgives them). 

The people of Judah have been slacking off on appropriate worship rituals.  Remember, since we’re still in the OT, they’re still doing rituals like sacrificing the best of your flock upon the altar.  Why is God still commanding them to do this?  Because Jesus hasn’t shown up yet.  Once Jesus does show up, his sacrifice as the one perfect enough to take on all of mankind’s sins means nobody has to sacrifice animals on altars anymore (to which the animal community said a most fervent “THANK YOU, GOD!”)

But we’re not in the NT, we’re in the OT, and God’s got three complaints against Judah:

1. Judah and the priests have been sacrificing the worst of the flock, not the best.  They’re bringing in sheep and stuff that are sickly, ill, have holes in their socks, etc., because they wanna keep the best lambs for themselves and for Sunday dinner (to which the animal community said “What the hell?  Don’t I ever get a break here?”)

God yells at Judah and the priests who presides over the shoddy sacrifices, and says if everyone doesn’t shape up right now, He’ll curse them and their descendents (and uses the lovely graphic phrase of smearing animal poop ON THEIR FACES, rendering them literal Poopyheads)

2. The people of Judah have apparently been acting out against their marriages.  They’re divorcing their wives and marrying people outside of Judah (though I wonder if this is a metaphor for people of Judah not following God and instead worshipping other gods other than God).  God tells them to knock it off, he hates divorce.  Yep, it literally says that: Malachi 2:16 “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel.”  Eeeep.

3. The people of Judah have been slacking off, not just in bringing in the best of their flock for sacrifice (to which the animal community says “whhhhhhhhy can’t you be a farmer of grain and stuff!”) but they’re also not tithing.  A tithe literally means 10 percent.  Judah isn’t bringing 10 percent of everything they have – be it grains, animals, money, etc.  And when you do that, you’re essentially cheating God.

God doesn’t really need your tithe, (it’s not like God’s broke), but you do it as a sign of honor, respect and trust.  By not doing this, Judah is essentially saying they don’t trust God, and don’t respect Him. 

So God yells a bunch and Judah straightens up and promises to fly right.  Then God talks a lot about “The day of the Lord” and how He will send the prophet Elijah ahead of time.  That turned out to be John the Baptist, who preceded Jesus Christ.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?  WHY DO YOU THINK THIS BOOK WAS IN HERE?

If you’ve ever sat through a sermon on tithing, you will most likely have heard the famous verse of Malachi 3:10 “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.  Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it.” 

Of course, since the church doesn’t want to scare you off, they rarely mention the verse that comes before it, Malachi 3:9 “You are under a curse – the whole nation of you – because you are robbing me.”  Hee hee hee.

And interesting to note Malachi 2:16 “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel.”  Pretty strong words, though the NT does clarify instances where divorce is okay ( Sexual unfaithfulness, abandonment, neglect)

So it’s easy to understand why this Tiny Book is included in the Bible, especially since it mentions the coming Messiah.  Any verses portending that would probably mean automatic inclusion in the Bible, no matter how small they were.

Tiny Books of the Bible #2 - Haggai

We're not talking about the famous ones (Esther, Jonah, James) We’re talking about the TINY ones.  The ones rarely quoted in sermons.  And when they are, it takes you twice as long to find them, because they're only 1 to 15 pages long.  Squashed between longer books, what's in these itty bitty books, and what's so important about them that they're in the Bible?

Second up in our TBOTB series (reminds me of TCBY, or ICBINY, and now I’m craving some Yogurtland) is Haggai. 

When I was a kid, I used to think this book was written by Hagar, the Egyptian slave that had to sleep with Abram because Sarai couldn’t bear him any children, and Hagar bore Ishmael (Genesis 16). 

But nope, Haggi does not equal Hagar, nor do either of those equal Hagar the Horrible.  Haggi is Haggi alone.

IT’S SO SMALL!  I CAN’T FIND IT!  WHERE IS IT?

Haggai is between Zephaniah and Zechariah, but it’s probably easier just to go to the beginning of the New Testament and page backwards, because Haggai is the third to the last book of the Old Testament.

HOW SMALL IS IT?

Haggai is two chapters, and two pages long (by my Bible, anyway).

WHO WROTE IT?

Haggai was a prophet.  You could argue that all the Tiny Books Of The Old Testament are written by prophets, and all the Tiny Books Of The New Testament are written by disciples, or more generally, followers of Jesus.

WHAT’S THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT?

So!  Remember back in 586 B.C. with Obadiah and how Jerusalem fell and Judah was ransacked and God’s people, the Israelites, were sent to live in exile?  Fast forward to  538 B.C., and the Persian king Cyrus is allowing the Jewish exiles back into Judah, and even allows them to rebuild their temple. 

So they come back, and start to rebuild the temple.  But their neighbors the Samaritans (not all of them are Good Samaritans.  In fact, that was the whole point of the Good Samaritan story, because Samaritans in general were not nice people, but I digress) give them a lot of grief for it, so, much like kicked dogs, they stick their metaphorical tail between their legs, we-don’t-want-any-trouble-we-just-got-back-from-exile-you-know, and stop working on the temple, and start going about their lives, and building their own homes for them to live.

But God wants His temple to be rebuilt.  So he speaks through the prophet Haggai and prods the Israelites to get a’cracking.

Haggai’s prophecy to the people of Judah and their response is done in the pretty speedy (especially in Biblical times) timeline of three and a half months.

WHAT’S THE BOOK ABOUT?

God, through Haggai, tells the Jews to get back to work to rebuild the temple.  He points out that the Jews have been working a bunch, but don’t have a lot to show for it.  That’s because God’s been messing with their work (no crops, drought, etc.), because it’s not fair that the Jews get to lives in houses while God’s temple is still in ruins.  But God through Haggai promises His people that He is with them, so that inspires the Jews to get back to work.

So the Jews do get a’cracking, and God through Haggai tells His people that once the temple is rebuilt, it will be glorious, and how from this day on, God will bless His people.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?    WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS IN HERE?

Whereas most prophets in the Old Testament are saying “REPENT!  REPENT, DAMN YOU (NOT REALLY, BUT YOU PROBABLY WILL BE DAMNED IF YOU DON’T REPENT!) and lone gloomy Obadiah is saying, “NEVER MIND REPENTING, YOU’RE DOOMED BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID.”  Then all prophet Haggai is saying is, “GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND REBUILD!”  Which is probably the nicest of things that a prophet could say, huh.

Since in today’s times, we’re told repeatedly that God isn’t in a building per se, this emphasis of God to his people to rebuilt HIS building seems kinda strange. 

But I think what’s happening here is that God was all about His temple in the Old Testament, until he sent Jesus in the New Testament.  When Jesus was crucified for our sins, the curtain in the temple tore in two, and I think that symbolizes that everyone is allowed into the Holy Place in the temple (as opposed to it being priests previously).  When the temple was officially destroyed in (70 AD), the idea was that God’s people didn’t need a temple anymore, because they had Jesus.

But here in OT times, God’s people DO need a temple.

Additionally, it’s a sign of respect to rebuild God’s temple, and give the people a way to focus their attention and worship toward God, instead of themselves.

In the tradition of Back Up Testimony, Haggai might be in the Bible to back up  Zechariah, a prophet in the same time as Haggai, saying (in Zechariah 7 and 8) the same thing as Haggai, but without all the wackadoo imagery (four horns, four craftsmen, gold lampstands, olive trees, woman  in a basket, flying scrolls, etc.) that Zechariah has.

And it’s nifty to see how God promises to be there for his people, “I am with you,” declares the Lord (Haggai 1:13) and again “From this day on, I will bless you.” (Haggai 2:19)

So it’s nice to be reminded that even when you’ve slacked off on stuff, God doesn’t give up on you.

Tiny Books of the Bible #1 - Obadiah

We're not talking about the famous ones (Esther, Jonah, James) We’re talking about the TINY ones.  The ones rarely quoted in sermons.  And when they are, it takes you twice as long to find them, because they're only 1 to 15 pages long.  Squashed between longer books, what's in these itty bitty books, and what's so important about them that they're in the Bible?

Welcome to the newest Bible Study Series: Tiny Books Of The Bible!  We're going SO tiny, obscure book like Nehemiah (OT, 13 chapters, 21 pages) is TOO BIG.  It's practically Moby Dick compared to the ones we're looking at.

Here’s our first case study – Obadiah!

IT’S SO SMALL!  I CAN’T FIND IT!  WHERE IS IT?

Obadiah is in the Old Testament, between Amos and Jonah.  Both of those are tiny books too, so it’s between Daniel and… the end of the Old Testament.

HOW SMALL IS IT?

It’s one chapter.  2 pages.  TINY TINY TINY!  So tiny it is indeed the shortest book in the Old Testament.

WHO WROTE IT?

Obadiah was a minor prophet.  And we seriously don’t know much personal information about him other than that.

WHAT’S THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT?

So there’s a bad guy.  Well, a bad nation.  They’re called Edom, or the Edomites.  They’re the descendents of “I’m The Red Hairy Brother” Esau, twin brother of Jacob.  And they helped the Babylonians sack Judah and its city Jerusalem somewhere around 586 B.C. Or rather, they let the Babylonians do most of the heavy lifting in terms of conquering, and then they zoomed in to plunder and scavenge and generally act like rats.

WHAT’S THE BOOK ABOUT?

Obadiah, the minor prophet is lamenting the fact that the nation of Edom are ratty people who scavenged Judah and its city Jerusalem after the city fell.  And he’s warning them that everything they did to Jerusalem (ransacked, hidden treasures pillaged, handing over survivors, drinking on the holy hill.) will be done back onto them when “the day of the Lord” approaches.  Which it eventually did; Edom no longer existed as a nation by 1^st century A.D.

ANYTHING INTERESTING OR QUOTABLE?

It’s all about God’s wrath.  There’s no “repent before it’s too late.”  According to Obadiah, there’s no chance for repentance, it’s all done, and they’re all doomed.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?  WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS IN HERE?

Possibly Obadiah is in there to back up bigger prophet Jeremiah, who also talked about what God was gonna do to Edom for sacking Jerusalem (Jeremiah 49: 7-22).  But basically, in the Old Testament, if you do bad things against the Lord’s people, bad things will eventually happen to you.  Obadiah, in just two pages, says so.

Upside down and okay with it

So it's officially been over a year since I started Aerial classes, and I've not said a lot about it, so let's get updated!

I had been a gymnast in middle and high school, not necessarily a good one, though I did score a few 8s here and there.  I wasn't flexible, but I had no fear, and that served me much better than anyone would think.

But life goes on, and not enough people wanted to do gymnastics to continue the team through high school, so I switched to track and let gymnastics fade into the background.  There wasn't any real loss felt, because I wasn't good enough to win scholarships or go to Olympics, and that's the primary dream when you're a high school gymnast.

So the years pass by, and I took a trapeze class two years ago for my birthday, and I go to a Boot Camp class that encourages cartwheels for one of their stations, and the fire gets stoked again.

Then in 2011, when Dad was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer, I decided I was going to challenge myself on the west coast, and take a Tissu class.  Dad knew I was doing it, and I would tell him how it was going, but I didn't tell him specifically why I was doing it, which was if Dad was going to be going through pain and exhaustion during chemo, I was going to put myself through sympathy pain and exhaustion, so we both could be exhausted together.

This was a stupid reason, and I knew it was (which is probably why I didn't tell him).  My being physically exhausted and in pain from Tissu class wouldn't have helped him at all, or hastened his recovery-which-never-happened, or even made him feel better.  But I've stuck with many a boneheaded idea before, (I lost ten pounds by eating nothing but rice and beef broth for three weeks, I once I thought I could do marshmallow art by nuking mini marshmallows in the microwave) so why not this one.

There was a period of adjustment, where I had to go to different classes to find one I was comfortable with, and finally found a place pretty close to the Shabby Shack, and it's an aerial class, meaning we work out on both Tissu and Static Trapeze.  And it's been fascinating to see how much muscle memory has been awakened for me.  Specific muscles in hands, arms, butt and legs that haven't been used in years are raging to the forefront again.  I compared calluses on my hands with 10-year-old niece Mandy-Bug, who IS taking gymnastic classes and for all I know, may follow in my casual-gymnastics footsteps.

I'm not in the beginner class.  And I'm not in the advanced class, though my teachers say I can move up whenever I want to.  My flexibility is still woefully sad and starchy, and I feel like you need to be super flexible to be in the advanced class.  Maybe yes, maybe no.

But it's a challenge.  And there have been several moments where I am exhausted and in pain.  In so MUCH pain, that massages don't actually put a dent in the pain, like I thought they would.  

There have been times where I was scared out of my mind.  Being a high school gymnast with no fear and weighing under 90 pounds was one thing.  Several years and more pounds later is something else entirely.  Anytime I have to do a trick where I fall upside down freaks my shit out.  Doesn't matter if the Tissu is wrapped a kajillion times around my leg, thigh and waist.  Doesn't matter if the trapeze rope is jammed between my thigh and well, my crotch.  Doesn't matter if the coach is below me spotting me, saying, "You're overthinking it, just go for it."  I'm batshit scared, and I'm voluntarily putting myself through this process.

But those were the times I remembered my dad, and even though he never talked about it, he must've been scared about the chemo process, about the future, about time and how much of it did he have left.  And then I would tell myself, "You're scared.  But Dad's got a lot more to be scared about, so suck it up and do it."

So I would.  And over time. I’ve been able to stifle the yelps and screams that used to happen when falling, and I’ve gotten more comfortable with dangling upside down like a worm on a hook.

Technically, there’s not a reason to continue with the class, since Dad is gone, and with him, my initial reasons for doing the class.  But it’s a part of me now, and I’ll keep at it because it’s fun, it doesn’t feel like working out, it’s still a challenge, and I dunno, I guess the goal is to eventually get stronger and more graceful on the apparatus. 

The class size and participants change from week to week, and there are plenty of times where I get intimidated by newbies who are bendy twentysomethings; super flexible with twigs for arms and bouncy butts.

During one particular class, we're stretching, and everyone can do splits but me, and I'm thinking to myself how I'm having a rotten day and didn't wanna deal with Barbie classmates, and what would God say about this situation.

I’ve read a few self-help books in my time and I start to imagine what God would say if He was talking to me right now (some of the self-help books have recommended that as a writing exercise if you’re going through a particularly difficult time).

I start thinking that God would say something like what I heard in church from Pastor Bernard a few years ago, "Stop looking at what everyone else has and look up at God."

So I mentally look up at God and imagine Him saying something like:

"Precious daughter, I created you and your inflexible limbs, and I love you anyway.  I am so happy that you found this class and school and that you can challenge yourself on your own terms regardless of what your classmates can do.  So enjoy this class!  You can do it, because I know you're strong enough."  

Yes, it’s kinda cheesy and Up With People kind of thing.  And it can be a bit of a dangerous business to start thinking FOR God, because you can find yourself justifying all sorts of things that He really wouldn’t be approving of.  But in this one instance, it made me feel better.

Lo and behold, the bendy Barbies were flexible, but not as strong, not as knowledgeable about the tricks (because they were brand new, and I’ve been there for a year), and I held my own.

I dunno if I’m going to try and make What Would God Say (I guess that makes it WWGS) a regular occurrence, but the result this one time was so immediate that it needed to be noted.

And I guess I feel comfortable posting this one, since you really can’t see my face here either.  Here’s the one trick I learned how to do on Tissu – The Double Star.  True pros will laugh at me, since you’re supposed to be able to control how fast you go down the Tissu, and I have no doubt that I will get there in maybe another two years.  

But baby steps, baby steps.  Here, we’re celebrating the fact that I’m not screaming on the way down.